I Need a Bailout for Christmas

That is simply the reality of the situation.

I just read the headline, "Big 3 Get Their Money". But I didn't read the article.

So after weeks in the media, pleading their case to Congress, riding in jets to meetings while asking for a bailout, they won. They got their billions.

What about me and people like me? This week I am looking at the impossible bill wise. The inconceivable. The incredible. And wouldn't it be nice, at least just this once to bail myself out?

After weeks it seems.....but it has only been days of prayer, random instant messages and realization a bailout isn't planted in a ad on Craigslist.

A bailout has to come from me.

I have to bail myself out.

The miracle is, despite my back pain, from stress, worries about a friend in the hospital from stress, despite losing hope and gaining stress I believe I can do this.

Even if it means, the unthinkable for me, which is again borrowing from my mother and paying her back, I will do it.

I will get myself out of this mess. No man is going to run in here and take over my debt. No job will appear out of the heavens with a 100k salary.

But I have the energy the drive and the fierce desire to get on the other side of this thing. I am sick of no cents in the city.

I worked the time share/car drawing promotion this weekend and you know what it wasn't so bad. I actually made decent cash, I didn't burn out all of my energy and I didn't feel like I was wasting away my life with work. I interacted with other people, although shopping to their heart's content, they entered to win a new car, with the belief they could win. Like me they have hope. Hope that their life could change from entering a contest to win, like I have hope I will come to the other side of this financial stress. We bonded over the new car behind us and discussions of Christmas travel, a contest win, a rough year that can be changed with an entry form in the mall. I have hope like that. It was nice to be around others, not just in the church, that believe a miracle is possible. More people walked past me, with grunts and growls and proclamations they never win anything. But then one person, out of every 50, with one shopping bag and without glamour, would stop by and say I want to win. Sister so do I!

I feel as if, this weekend with a power packed church service and 2 days of work I didn't expect to enjoy or truly financially profit from, but I did...I was making a difference for myself, and all of those overweight married men who flirted with me, couldn't make me feel the way I made myself feel. And yes, they were all overweight, they were all married. That is all I seem to attract. One teenager with hazel eyes I could tell liked me. But I mean c'mon. The bizarre finds on free internet sites for dating are also in the mall. By the area you can enter to win a car.

With the exception of NO spending besides gas money with the exception of some chicken, a bottle of liquor and two meals this entire month I am doing well in terms of my spending. This is the best I have ever done. I have lost weight so my short broken off hair actually looks pretty good.

I can do this. I am hoping by February, I am back on track.

If I am not, my back will be broken and I will have sold my ovaries for the rent. Not my eggs, my ovaries. If anyone wants my uterus they can have that too. I'll put that up on the internet. "NSA (No Strings Attached): the Uterus is yours"

But I need this to work. My life. Self Sufficiency. I can do it.

Right?

I just sat down with a friend, over bold Starbucks tall black coffees and he told me he's received an unexpected bailout more than once in his life. That gives me hope too, that it can happen for me.

But I believe in myself more.

Merry Christmas :-)