Layoffs and Cutbacks and Hope: The New American Dream

After four solid months of selling $20 vacations and raffling off cars, we got the news on a Monday, that we had been laid off. "We" includes the marketing sales team of at least 20 people, 3 of which I had hired.


The job, as bizarre as it may sound, was like a dream to me. We would pitch a tent at a festival, hang up our custom made banner and we would sell more than anyone would believe, including me.


When we got the news, I was adding up the totals from another great sales weekend, planning which bills would get paid first. After hearing "Sorry you've been let go, effective immediately", it's hard to focus and I began staring into space wondering how my car note would get paid and how in the heck I was expected to get my credit back on track.


The next couple of days, I was a nervous wreck, opting not to drive and decided long naps was the best way to cope. I didn't curse anyone out, or lose a sense of my abilities to succeed regardless of the circumstances....for me I was more concerned about how my bills would get paid...and I called on two of my closest friends to help me through the rough days.


So over the weeks that followed, I slept, watched tv, resumed a workout regimen and snagged a few days of work from the tv station. Not too bad for someone who only has three more checks followed by uncertainty ahead of them.
But I never became depressed. After years of working 2 or more jobs at a time, I welcomed the break from corporate obligation and the pleasure of being able to work out, because frankly I had nothing else to do.


I never had the chance to turn into a full blown nervous wreck either...because several jobs have been waiting for me around the corner. An estranged colleague reached out and offered me a job that not only pays great, but it combines my tv skills and my interest in travel. Then, before that job even began, I received another unconventional opportunity, to get paid well to use my car for a 10 week promotional campaign. Not too long after that, my travel sales boss called and told me we are working for a new company....a better company than before. That's the good news.


The bad news is, The creative travel gig and the car maketing gig, although touting great pay, are still pending...meaning they have not begun and I haven't received any of the great checks I am expecting to receive. And as for the travel sales gig, I am sitting in the middle of day 2 with no sales. I finally learned how to sell the $99 packages though, I did pretty good last week. But today, nothing. Yesterday, one. Motivation, zero. I will try again tomorrow, I won't call the weekend a bust. But as far as this Friday night, in this Chicago suburban town west of Harlem avenue is concerned, I am no longer interested in trying to sell to these people. Several have told me they have no money. And you know what, I can relate. I can't buy one either. Not today anyway.


But I am still optimistic, the most money I've ever made in my life is around the corner. Despite 2 weeks of down right ugly paychecks, this might be the best financial year of my life....so I have hope.


I also have hope in the love department too. I finally met someone, who has a nice smile and has serious determination to stay off the layoff block, with two jobs and the desire to get a college degree here in America. He already has a college certificate in his home country, but here, in order to achieve the American Dream, he has to take those classes: Composition One, Statistics, Calculus, Composition Two, over again. And when one of his jobs, cut his 40 hours down to 25, unlike the other men I have dated that had nervous breakdowns and stopped calling me, he just picked up more hours at his other job..and kept calling. It's nice to see, nice to experience. And it was pleasantly unexpected.


You may recall, this isn't the first time I have dated someone from another country. One a student, here to obtain a MBA in International Finance so he can return to his country as a force to be reckoned with. But he completely ended the romance when he got laid off. He didn't feel too much like hott stuff after the layoff.

Another one....the Soccer Coach...quit his job because he could not handle the inner city youth. Now, he is trying to obtain the American Dream, become a citizen, get a job, buy a car, buy a home so he can bring his family here. No time for girls when you are trying to achieve the American Dream. I suppose he realizes how hard it is to to get all those things so many of us take for granted.

So many foreigners are here trying to be like us...but are we that great? We forget to receive blessings when we don't have a job and are quick to stab others in the back when we have one, so we can stay on top.

I am proud to say, I have hired and now myself been fired and as long as you don't look at my bank account....I can honestly say I'm doing pretty good :-)

The Truth About Blackie

I am having an adventure. My life is nothing short of remarkably adventurous. I am still smiling, despite extraordinary financial catastrophe. And it is all around me.... it doesn't stop. Macy's is closing stores, there will be 1,100 corporate layoffs at Walgreens, the most financially sound business on the planet and 12 suburban newspapers will be closing.

This was all just announced today. Then, I look at my friends, my social circle and its periphery. Two close relatives out of work, a new friend...unsure how to pay off a payday loan and for car repairs, a close friend loaning relatives hundreds, a closer friend behind in mortgage payments, a friend of a friend experiencing a temporary layoff.

And then there's me. Behind in every bill, while working much less, yet as much as possible, finally receiving the word my beloved brand new car is ready to be picked up from the body shop. The grand total is 16-hundred dollars, well more than I expected. Well more than I have in the bank.

And I am still smiling. I am still excited about life...I haven't killed anyone, or myself and I do not have the desire to do so. I have also lost the desire to rob a bank. My dream of running into a bank with a note written on my own personal check and without a mask on was short-lived.

About two weeks ago, I was bogged down with despair, worry and frustration. The 700 rental car bill was enough to make me want to pass out on the floor at Enterprise Rent A Car "where they willl pick you up".

But then, I got Blackie. Because a close relative is out of work, I can drive her car, free of charge, no $150 deposit required. Blackie is a 1995 Acura Integra, with a brand new black paint job. She drives and looks fantastic and has endured my amazing commute to work and countless hours behind the wheel. She keeps up with me and she enjoys it, and my burned Beyonce/Rhianna mix cd sounds great (as long as you don't hit a pothole, lock the keys in the car while it is running, or run out of gas).

I am so grateful, because having Blackie has saved me hundreds I don't have to spend and allowed me to continue my fast paced life. I can still zip home, zip to mom's, zip to work and zip to the freelance gig, when it is happening...right now it is.

I have even met a new friend while with Blackie, enjoying the excitement of meeting someone new...someone I get along with...someone who makes me laugh... someone who is an unwilling participant of a society steeped rich in budget cuts and disasters. Needless to say, we get along great.

Driving with Blackie is more like riding with an old friend, a familiar symbol of family support and I inevitably have figured out a few things. For starters, my life isn't so bad. I not only have access to a car, but I am in a position to be trusted with someone's car.

I have probably driven Blackie for 3 unconsecutive weeks. No pressure no drama (other than the lock out and the gas out).

I have realized while driving her, that it feels good to share a mutual attraction with someone and at some point, I want to be able to save more money than I spend.

I rarely buy food these days, I eat what I have in the cupboard or others who have invited me to lunch or dinner have unknowingly provided me with my only meal of the day.

So I have lost at least 6 pounds and 70% of my hair since all of this started.

At first, I was very upset about my hair, a chemical disaster (I'll just leave it at that), but now I am growing to love it. I look more polished and my hair is more work to groom, but much easier to maintain. I may even keep it short. It is like a new beginning, a new year, new hair and a new car. I am even getting a new windshield.... a new view... a new outlook. No more long curling crack snaking across the glass threatening to sever in two in any minute. No more broken dreams. Just a smooth clear road ahead.

My vision is clear, my hair is neat, it looks much more polished, I will be able to see better on the road and maybe, just maybe I will be able to continue doing what is best for me... not necessarily whatever I want, but what is best.

I am not one to make new year's resolutions, but I want to spend this year slimmer, happier, more polished, less stressed and hopefully in love.

Even if I end the year fat, stressed and without polish and single, I guarantee you, I will be happy, with money in the bank.

My car won't have a boot on it either. But it may be out of gas.

Thanks Blackie

I Have a Dirty Little Secret

Well actually, I have several of them.

Let me explain myself. I am the product of the church. My Maternal Grandfather was pastor at a church, a small church, on the westside of Chicago.

My grandmother was the first lady and served on the mother board.

My mother's family, consisting of 9 siblings were all involved in the church somehow.

My mother, whose role I may only be able to accurately recall, was an organist.

She played very methodically and calmly, while wearing a polka dot dress, or a black one.

I believe an uncle of mine, who's life has become a downward spiral of drugs, alcohol and homelessness, I believe played the organ as well.

He however, with dyed black and lye straigthened hair, could play with the same energy and enthusiasm as any entertainer, wearing white regardless of the season, a thin mustache, despite the cliche, but a talent, pure talent on the keyboard.

Now homeless. I havent seen him since he hand washed my car, that is now crashed and on the boot list.

But I haven't shared my dirty little secret yet and after revealing so much of my roots, it is somewhat difficult to share.

But I am here, to say what most others cannot or will not. Simply because I find a bit of peace writing about my stresses and hopefully will find at least 5 kindred spirits who can relate to my thoughts...like yours...that you can not or will not share, but are so glad someone else is going through what you are going through...and is willing to share them.

Welcome all bootlisters with drunken relatives and more debt than income, welcome.

But my secret is, as much as I realize that God is my savior and God is the answer to everything, I have to write it, believe it, speak it, even if I dare question it....God is the answer. But regardless....I read my horoscope.

Not just one or two or three, but maybe five or six or seven daily. And there is one I check like a crack addict checks for 10 cents to buy a rock.

This astrologer.... a little genius.....she predicted my irreconcilable break up with my live in boyfriend (egads) and the subsequent quest for my own self sufficiency.

Lately she has forecasted "good news has finally found you aquarius", and "good news comes to you from a friend maybe a relative"

Um, no. None of this has happened. After about 9 solid months of unbelievable accuracy, her forecast accurateness has flopped like the Dow, the windshield factors, the hope of ever finding a new job.

I feel so alone, so short changed, so wronged. And health care expenses at my job have just increased, a close relative of mine has just lost her job for the second time in 2 months...none of this...none of this is good news.

But I will still read her horoscope, desperately anticipating the next words...hoping somehow "Aquarius you are off the boot list and your new job with a fat salary starts tomorrow" will be there and it will happen.

Please do not think, I do not believe in God, or not worship his blessings. I am aware, that depsite my economic driven depression, I have it way better than some, like my uncle for example. I also am aware, that the simple fact I am alive and can write is a blessing as well.

And the big fat miracle of it all, that I am paying a deductible on my car crash, not the full amount of $3500, that is God. Not astrology. I know.

Astrology just gives you a sneak peek, a glimmer into what you can expect tomorrow.

I have learned it is a toss up. Not a guarantee.

And I discovered astrology through my sister. She drank alcohol throughout high school, shop lifted during college, subsequent jail for decades. But she had a book on astrology that I read from cover to cover, while she was out getting drunk and stealing and getting arrested.

I wonder if her horoscope said "Gemeni, expect great things to happen today"

All I know is, my horoscope says today is a great day...and I am not so sure. But at least I have hope.

So that is my dirty little secret. Horoscopes. They suck but give you hope. God knows I need it.