For weeks, I have tried to articulate or express what this Presidential Inauguration means to me. As a journalist with an insatiable quest for all things worth discussing, all things amazing, all things controversial...I found myself at a loss for words about all this. Until today. I have a unique perspective on race. I am an African American, raised not necessarily to be proud of the color of my skin but to transcend the stereotypes my race represents.
I was raised in a white neighborhood, taunted on my way to grammar school just five blocks away. One time, I was even pushed.
One night, while asleep, I was awakened by a rock coming through my bedroom window. Thrown by my white racist neighbors.
In high school, I was ridiculed because of my proper dialect and my unawareness of hip hop fashion. I was black, but had grown up in a white world, with no black friends....and in high school, they make sure you know you are different.
So I have never really been proud of being an African American...or relished in the symbolism of what my ability to have a job, let alone in television means, when my family tree leads to slavery.
I couldn't, because I was too busy explaining why I talk like this and I why I live like that.
As I matured, I learned to appreciate what it means to be African American. Coming to this country as slaves, shackled, whipped, beaten, raped, separated from our families, men not allowed to raise their own child. I began to empathize with the struggles of being black, rather than being condescending about them.
But now, there is no more frustration, no more fight, no more fear about the limitations my race could possess.
Today, with millions around the world and in the Nation's Capitol, I watched a black man sworn in to the presidency. Reporters sometimes losing eloquence in their speech as they reveled in the sight they said they have never seen before...1.4 million people, on the National Mall, to witness history.
For me, he is a man from Chicago, like myself, who has dreamed for more than he had, like myself, who was raised by wonderful women, like myself, who has Black skin, like myself.
I have no limitations, no fear. I have grown from a child called nigger on her way to school, into a woman, with black skin with nothing to hold her back.
I am an an African-American and I am proud. Today, more than ever, it makes sense.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Soup & Sprite: The Future of Dating
As I rode around in Blackie (my relative's car) for the last 3 non-consecutive weeks, I really did think that finding love on a free website is possible.
It's not.
If you are on a free website, you get what you pay for. My mother has been warning me ever since she noticed that I had breasts large for a girl my age, "boys only want sex". Fast forward 20 years: "men only want sex".
If you meet them on the internet anyway.
I have met an electrician, a doctor, an accountant, an IT person, a PR person, a Locomotive engineer, a recycling plant worker. They all just want to have sex. They don't come out and say it, but I just know. Some of them should just have Iwanttohavesex@yourplacetonight.com for their e-mail address. Now Recycle, I met at a mall. He seems to be the most genuine of the bunch. A big country drawl speaking guy who wants to take me to dinner. Go figure, he's the one I did not meet online. I told him I was no longer interested in him so I could go out with the electrician. The electrician, also only wanted to have sex. But he told me he was falling in love with me...blah blah, but now he can't date me because he has no money... so now I am patching things up with Recycle...already. Recycle wants more than sex, but as you can guess, I am not sure if I am interested in him. Sigh.
I don't want to sound like a bitter internet dater who keeps coming up short, I want to keep the free internet dating hope alive.
For starters, its free. Secondly, it's free. And it's the best way to meet someone, for free. All you have to do is invest a few sentences and an e-mail address. Then messenges come straight to your cell phone, all day and all night...sometimes you can't even keep up. I have a real electronic dating life out here. My phone is on fire even though the bedroom isn't (I mean it could be but this is not want I am looking for).
And if the electronic energy is so fantastic, you can meet them at a coffee shop in person and see how it goes. Now, we are at $5. Depending on where you meet for coffee.
But this is 2009 just off the heels of 2008's economic tragedy from hell. The electrician's car was in the shop, while mine was and he just didn't feel good about meeting out for a date because he is car-less. Then we have Locomotion, who doesn't realize that people are broke and getting laid off. Even the doctor may be foreclosing on one of his 7 homes, and has laid off staff. If a working doctor is in foreclosure, umm we have a problem.
So who is going to take me out on a date? The out of touch Locomotion? Or a doctor in foreclosure? I am sure there is only one thing on their minds, sexual relief from all of this stress.
No one wants to go on a date. Those who can afford to, only want to have sex. Because they are afraid to spend money and they only want sex. Those who want to take me on a date, cannot afford to. So the best deal, is sex. The situation is so extreme, I am dumped on the side of an emotional road during a Blizzard Warning in Chicago.
But is it just the men I am meeting, or is it the economy? Or is it me? (No I am completely normal).
On one coffee date, I.T., bought a sprite while I sucked down soup. The economy has changed first meetings into soup & sprite. He seemed disinterested in me, and very interested in the cost of the sprite. I was stressed about the cost of the soup. The economy has us more stressed about the bill and who will pay, than each other. We haven't talked since.
To recap, it is hard to be sad over a dumping because there are so many men out here. Why cry over a failed free shot at love? There are millions of men. They are all e-mailing me right now. But most of them only want sex. I will have to keep surfing until I find the one who wants more than sex. Maybe sex and soup and a movie. Better yet, a Netflix. Because going to the theater is too expensive. Maybe not even a Netflix... more affordable...a burned dvd from a cousin Russel who lives in the basement.
Finding love on line will take a little longer than I thought....I won't give up, despite my serious skepticism.
It's free... and I really am hoping for a bargain...not a bust...and maybe a little more than soup and sprite.
I am hoping for meeting the man who will prove me wrong. Over soup and sprite. My treat.
It's not.
If you are on a free website, you get what you pay for. My mother has been warning me ever since she noticed that I had breasts large for a girl my age, "boys only want sex". Fast forward 20 years: "men only want sex".
If you meet them on the internet anyway.
I have met an electrician, a doctor, an accountant, an IT person, a PR person, a Locomotive engineer, a recycling plant worker. They all just want to have sex. They don't come out and say it, but I just know. Some of them should just have Iwanttohavesex@yourplacetonight.com for their e-mail address. Now Recycle, I met at a mall. He seems to be the most genuine of the bunch. A big country drawl speaking guy who wants to take me to dinner. Go figure, he's the one I did not meet online. I told him I was no longer interested in him so I could go out with the electrician. The electrician, also only wanted to have sex. But he told me he was falling in love with me...blah blah, but now he can't date me because he has no money... so now I am patching things up with Recycle...already. Recycle wants more than sex, but as you can guess, I am not sure if I am interested in him. Sigh.
I don't want to sound like a bitter internet dater who keeps coming up short, I want to keep the free internet dating hope alive.
For starters, its free. Secondly, it's free. And it's the best way to meet someone, for free. All you have to do is invest a few sentences and an e-mail address. Then messenges come straight to your cell phone, all day and all night...sometimes you can't even keep up. I have a real electronic dating life out here. My phone is on fire even though the bedroom isn't (I mean it could be but this is not want I am looking for).
And if the electronic energy is so fantastic, you can meet them at a coffee shop in person and see how it goes. Now, we are at $5. Depending on where you meet for coffee.
But this is 2009 just off the heels of 2008's economic tragedy from hell. The electrician's car was in the shop, while mine was and he just didn't feel good about meeting out for a date because he is car-less. Then we have Locomotion, who doesn't realize that people are broke and getting laid off. Even the doctor may be foreclosing on one of his 7 homes, and has laid off staff. If a working doctor is in foreclosure, umm we have a problem.
So who is going to take me out on a date? The out of touch Locomotion? Or a doctor in foreclosure? I am sure there is only one thing on their minds, sexual relief from all of this stress.
No one wants to go on a date. Those who can afford to, only want to have sex. Because they are afraid to spend money and they only want sex. Those who want to take me on a date, cannot afford to. So the best deal, is sex. The situation is so extreme, I am dumped on the side of an emotional road during a Blizzard Warning in Chicago.
But is it just the men I am meeting, or is it the economy? Or is it me? (No I am completely normal).
On one coffee date, I.T., bought a sprite while I sucked down soup. The economy has changed first meetings into soup & sprite. He seemed disinterested in me, and very interested in the cost of the sprite. I was stressed about the cost of the soup. The economy has us more stressed about the bill and who will pay, than each other. We haven't talked since.
To recap, it is hard to be sad over a dumping because there are so many men out here. Why cry over a failed free shot at love? There are millions of men. They are all e-mailing me right now. But most of them only want sex. I will have to keep surfing until I find the one who wants more than sex. Maybe sex and soup and a movie. Better yet, a Netflix. Because going to the theater is too expensive. Maybe not even a Netflix... more affordable...a burned dvd from a cousin Russel who lives in the basement.
Finding love on line will take a little longer than I thought....I won't give up, despite my serious skepticism.
It's free... and I really am hoping for a bargain...not a bust...and maybe a little more than soup and sprite.
I am hoping for meeting the man who will prove me wrong. Over soup and sprite. My treat.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The Truth About Blackie
I am having an adventure. My life is nothing short of remarkably adventurous. I am still smiling, despite extraordinary financial catastrophe. And it is all around me.... it doesn't stop. Macy's is closing stores, there will be 1,100 corporate layoffs at Walgreens, the most financially sound business on the planet and 12 suburban newspapers will be closing.
This was all just announced today. Then, I look at my friends, my social circle and its periphery. Two close relatives out of work, a new friend...unsure how to pay off a payday loan and for car repairs, a close friend loaning relatives hundreds, a closer friend behind in mortgage payments, a friend of a friend experiencing a temporary layoff.
And then there's me. Behind in every bill, while working much less, yet as much as possible, finally receiving the word my beloved brand new car is ready to be picked up from the body shop. The grand total is 16-hundred dollars, well more than I expected. Well more than I have in the bank.
And I am still smiling. I am still excited about life...I haven't killed anyone, or myself and I do not have the desire to do so. I have also lost the desire to rob a bank. My dream of running into a bank with a note written on my own personal check and without a mask on was short-lived.
About two weeks ago, I was bogged down with despair, worry and frustration. The 700 rental car bill was enough to make me want to pass out on the floor at Enterprise Rent A Car "where they willl pick you up".
But then, I got Blackie. Because a close relative is out of work, I can drive her car, free of charge, no $150 deposit required. Blackie is a 1995 Acura Integra, with a brand new black paint job. She drives and looks fantastic and has endured my amazing commute to work and countless hours behind the wheel. She keeps up with me and she enjoys it, and my burned Beyonce/Rhianna mix cd sounds great (as long as you don't hit a pothole, lock the keys in the car while it is running, or run out of gas).
I am so grateful, because having Blackie has saved me hundreds I don't have to spend and allowed me to continue my fast paced life. I can still zip home, zip to mom's, zip to work and zip to the freelance gig, when it is happening...right now it is.
I have even met a new friend while with Blackie, enjoying the excitement of meeting someone new...someone I get along with...someone who makes me laugh... someone who is an unwilling participant of a society steeped rich in budget cuts and disasters. Needless to say, we get along great.
Driving with Blackie is more like riding with an old friend, a familiar symbol of family support and I inevitably have figured out a few things. For starters, my life isn't so bad. I not only have access to a car, but I am in a position to be trusted with someone's car.
I have probably driven Blackie for 3 unconsecutive weeks. No pressure no drama (other than the lock out and the gas out).
I have realized while driving her, that it feels good to share a mutual attraction with someone and at some point, I want to be able to save more money than I spend.
I rarely buy food these days, I eat what I have in the cupboard or others who have invited me to lunch or dinner have unknowingly provided me with my only meal of the day.
So I have lost at least 6 pounds and 70% of my hair since all of this started.
At first, I was very upset about my hair, a chemical disaster (I'll just leave it at that), but now I am growing to love it. I look more polished and my hair is more work to groom, but much easier to maintain. I may even keep it short. It is like a new beginning, a new year, new hair and a new car. I am even getting a new windshield.... a new view... a new outlook. No more long curling crack snaking across the glass threatening to sever in two in any minute. No more broken dreams. Just a smooth clear road ahead.
My vision is clear, my hair is neat, it looks much more polished, I will be able to see better on the road and maybe, just maybe I will be able to continue doing what is best for me... not necessarily whatever I want, but what is best.
I am not one to make new year's resolutions, but I want to spend this year slimmer, happier, more polished, less stressed and hopefully in love.
Even if I end the year fat, stressed and without polish and single, I guarantee you, I will be happy, with money in the bank.
My car won't have a boot on it either. But it may be out of gas.
Thanks Blackie
This was all just announced today. Then, I look at my friends, my social circle and its periphery. Two close relatives out of work, a new friend...unsure how to pay off a payday loan and for car repairs, a close friend loaning relatives hundreds, a closer friend behind in mortgage payments, a friend of a friend experiencing a temporary layoff.
And then there's me. Behind in every bill, while working much less, yet as much as possible, finally receiving the word my beloved brand new car is ready to be picked up from the body shop. The grand total is 16-hundred dollars, well more than I expected. Well more than I have in the bank.
And I am still smiling. I am still excited about life...I haven't killed anyone, or myself and I do not have the desire to do so. I have also lost the desire to rob a bank. My dream of running into a bank with a note written on my own personal check and without a mask on was short-lived.
About two weeks ago, I was bogged down with despair, worry and frustration. The 700 rental car bill was enough to make me want to pass out on the floor at Enterprise Rent A Car "where they willl pick you up".
But then, I got Blackie. Because a close relative is out of work, I can drive her car, free of charge, no $150 deposit required. Blackie is a 1995 Acura Integra, with a brand new black paint job. She drives and looks fantastic and has endured my amazing commute to work and countless hours behind the wheel. She keeps up with me and she enjoys it, and my burned Beyonce/Rhianna mix cd sounds great (as long as you don't hit a pothole, lock the keys in the car while it is running, or run out of gas).
I am so grateful, because having Blackie has saved me hundreds I don't have to spend and allowed me to continue my fast paced life. I can still zip home, zip to mom's, zip to work and zip to the freelance gig, when it is happening...right now it is.
I have even met a new friend while with Blackie, enjoying the excitement of meeting someone new...someone I get along with...someone who makes me laugh... someone who is an unwilling participant of a society steeped rich in budget cuts and disasters. Needless to say, we get along great.
Driving with Blackie is more like riding with an old friend, a familiar symbol of family support and I inevitably have figured out a few things. For starters, my life isn't so bad. I not only have access to a car, but I am in a position to be trusted with someone's car.
I have probably driven Blackie for 3 unconsecutive weeks. No pressure no drama (other than the lock out and the gas out).
I have realized while driving her, that it feels good to share a mutual attraction with someone and at some point, I want to be able to save more money than I spend.
I rarely buy food these days, I eat what I have in the cupboard or others who have invited me to lunch or dinner have unknowingly provided me with my only meal of the day.
So I have lost at least 6 pounds and 70% of my hair since all of this started.
At first, I was very upset about my hair, a chemical disaster (I'll just leave it at that), but now I am growing to love it. I look more polished and my hair is more work to groom, but much easier to maintain. I may even keep it short. It is like a new beginning, a new year, new hair and a new car. I am even getting a new windshield.... a new view... a new outlook. No more long curling crack snaking across the glass threatening to sever in two in any minute. No more broken dreams. Just a smooth clear road ahead.
My vision is clear, my hair is neat, it looks much more polished, I will be able to see better on the road and maybe, just maybe I will be able to continue doing what is best for me... not necessarily whatever I want, but what is best.
I am not one to make new year's resolutions, but I want to spend this year slimmer, happier, more polished, less stressed and hopefully in love.
Even if I end the year fat, stressed and without polish and single, I guarantee you, I will be happy, with money in the bank.
My car won't have a boot on it either. But it may be out of gas.
Thanks Blackie
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